When meth-addicted moms and dads lose their parental rights, grandparents often step into the child-care void

When their 24-year-old daughter was suspected of neglecting her two children while using methamphetamine, Betty and Ryan Bleser agreed to take the girls temporarily so they wouldn’t live with strangers. More than two years later, the Blesers are full-time parents and just weeks away from permanently adopting Justice, 5, and Jennica, 4. The girls’ mother legally lost her parental rights. Their father — convicted of assaulting their mother — is in jail on a felony weapons charge.

The Eagle Point couple is among a growing number of local families caring for grandchildren whose parents are addicted to meth, said Doug Mares, Oregon Department of Human Services manager for Jackson and Josephine counties. Nationwide, an estimated 2.4 million adults are the primary caregivers for their grandchildren, according to the 2000 U.S. census.

Two upcoming focus groups — the first on Wednesday — are geared toward giving grandparents whose own children are meth addicts the resources they need to raise the next generation.

"We depend more and more on grandparents," Mares said, estimating that about 75 to 80 percent of local participants training to become state-certified foster parents are caring for grandchildren.

Many grandparents like the Blesers take their grandchildren to keep state child welfare workers from getting involved, said Roxann Jones, project coordinator for Jackson County Health and Human Services. But protecting the younger generation usually comes with a high cost.

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The Blesers’ daughter is allowed to see Justice and Jennica once a month for one hour. She is prohibited from visiting their home. Birthdays and holidays that previously were events for the entire extended family are celebrated without their youngest daughter.

"I’ve lost my daughter, pretty much," Betty Bleser said.

The 47-year-old said she often must refuse her daughter’s telephone pleas to talk in person because no one is available to care for Justice and Jennica. Bringing them along is out of the question.

"It’s too hard on the kids for more than (once a month)," Bleser said.

Her mother’s actions have shown Justice the consequences of bad decisions, Bleser said. The 5-year-old understands that drugs took the girls’ mother away and forced her at the age of 3 to feed her sister and change the younger girls’ diapers before her grandparents intervened, Bleser said.

Living with the Blesers since she was 1½ -years-old, Jennica has assumed her mother must be dead because she never sees her, Betty Bleser said. She occasionally calls her grandmother "mommy." The name is bittersweet to Betty Bleser who said she laments the loss of a true grandparent’s relationship with Justice and Jennica while forging their daily routine and acting as disciplinarian.

"Most grandmas get to pick up the kids and do something special with them," Bleser said.

The Blesers said they hoped all along their daughter could regain custody of Justice and Jennica. After dropping out of numerous recovery programs, the girls’ mother made progress in treatment. But a week after child welfare workers in February formulated a plan for the girls to return home, their mother was arrested on charges of identity theft. The crime and its timing permanently cost her custodial rights.

While the future is secure for Justice and Jennica in their grandparents’ home, the entire family’s relationship with the girls’ mother is uncertain. The Blesers still hope she can overcome meth addiction but don’t want to set the girls up for something that may never happen, Betty Bleser said.

"She may never be well," Bleser said. "There’s no going back."

Reach reporter Sarah Lemon at 776-4487, or e-mail slemon@mailtribune.com.

Sessions to focus on child care by grandparents

Sponsored by the Jackson County Commission on Children and Families, the focus groups will ask grandparents to discuss their biggest challenges and helpful strategies and to identify needed resources.

The first group is scheduled to meet Wednesday from 6 to 7:30 p.m. at the Ashland Family YMCA, conference Room No. 1, 540 YMCA Way, Ashland. The second session is set for Nov. 8 from 6 to 7:30 p.m. at the Rogue Valley YMCA, 522 W. Sixth St., Medford.

Dinner and child care will be provided both evenings. For more information, call Roxann Jones at 774-7821.