Keeping an open heart is good for your health

I admired her ability to articulate what worked (and did not) in a relationship that lasted almost three years. She was feeling sad and lost, but she also was thoughtfully considering what had happened and trying to learn from it.

As parents always do (and it matters not the age of the child), I attempted to counsel her. Iprobably should not have tried that. Searching for words to help my daughter, I didn’t find nearly enough.

I ultimately came upon a few ideas in an unlikely spot, a magazine on the floor of a beauty salon. It was a publication called Natural Health.

Retrieving the magazine, paging through it, I read one article thoroughly and it gave me insight. I think the title was "The Laws of Energetic Attraction," adapted from the book "Positive Energy" by Judith Orloff (Harmony Books, 2004).

First premise: Relationships are tricky (no surprises so far). And they’re more difficult when they’re built on soft foundations. The author suggested we’re drawn to things like appearance, educational level or specific achievements. Stronger foundations are necessary for a relationship to thrive. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time to develop knowledge about someone’s true nature, but it does take your complete attention and requires "tuning into your intuitive self."

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The author made a lot of reference to the importance of recognizing authenticity and having compassion. I had some idea what that meant but wasn’t entirely sure. The article said "intuition clarifies smart choices." I know what that means. Trust your gut.

There is apparently a pair of questions we should ask at the start of a relationship and periodically throughout, no matter what our age. Here are the questions: Do I feel troubled and nervous or energized and safe? Is this a reciprocally nourishing relationship/partnership?

Second premise: Love attracts love. The more positive energy we give off, the more we receive. We deserve positive people and situations in our lives. The phrase I recall, the one that made the most sense to me, was: "Extend heart energy outward." It’s "very OK" — in fact, it’s absolutely recommended — to let forward your positive spirit, your large heart, for the world to see.

I sense my daughter is already beginning to relocate her strong emotional center and will probably do so without further assistance from me. She’s long known the power of the positive spirit and the importance of trusting her own instincts.

She made a difficult and right decision. I am proud of her, and I’ve told her so.

Space permitting, there’s a lot more I would say, but I simply can’t resist one final remark. I recognize I’m likely to be labeled an over-involved mother, but I’ll accept that.

If you happen to have a large-hearted, readily available son, grandson or friend of the family and the spirit moves you … my single and positively lovely daughter (whose heart is extraordinarily large) is coming to visit soon. Call me.

Sharon Johnson is an assistant professor in family and community development at OSU Extension and a member of the Senior Advisory Council. Reach her at s.johnson@oregonstate.edu.