Photo by Bob Pennell

From left, Chelsea Chapin, Jada Klingerman and Rita Christy say they have an arsenal of retorts to Medford single men's best -- or worst -- pick-up lines.

'Backatchas' are good fun at local clubs

By MARK FREEMAN

Reading a newspaper article two weeks ago about Medford men's best stabs at pick-up lines flashed Jada Klingerman back to a bar interlude in Queretaro, Mexico.

A male bar-fly there checked the tag on the back of her shirt and said, in Spanish, "Made in Heaven."

So when Klingerman saw an awfully similar line that made No. 7 of the best -- or worst -- single men's pick-up lines as collected by a Medford used-car salesman, Klingerman couldn't help but gag.

"Pick-up lines," the 22-year-old Medford woman says, "are universal."

And so, it seems, are women's retorts to those cheesy opening lines men have used on them since Adam swaggered over to Eve and asked if he could buy her an apple.

Car salesman John Bermea, 28, collected the 10 best ice-breakers he found during a "Cheers"-like patron poll at Applebee's Grill & Bar in Medford last month, and the list was printed in the April 24 edition of the Mail Tribune.

For every one-liner single men use to strike up a conversation, single women have a closetful of "go away" retorts.

They are far more witty than repelling someone who just asked "What's your sign?" with a stiff "Stop" or "Do Not Enter."

In fact, Klingerman and co-workers Chelsea Chapin of Gold Hill and Rita Christy of Medford have cooked up a batch of backatcha's of the best that Bermea could muster.

The comebacks are more than providing women witty dialogue for their role in the singles scene. They are the volleys used to return serves from their own past.

"A lot of us have heard these lines before," Chapin says, "And we've got comebacks for them."

Like for line No. 2, where the man asks for a quarter to telephone his mother to tell her he's fallen in love, the Klingerman-Chapin-Christy response would be: "What? Mommy didn't give you your allowance this week?"

Or for pickup line No. 5 -- the one where the man wants to arrange the alphabet to put "U" and "I" together, Christy fires back: "My favorite letters in the alphabet are "B-C-N-U."

"It's playful banter, part of the game," says Klingerman, a self-professed "commitment-phobe" and the only one of the trio not spoken for. "It's something that gets the conversation going."

Perhaps the best reply is for line No. 9: "Your legs must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all night."

"Yeah," Chapin says, "running away."

But the good comeback doesn't always come right away.

For Klingerman that day in the Mexican bar, all she could muster was a week-Spanish version of "I'm Made in Oregon."

Truth be told, all three women say the exact line single men use on single women isn't that important. But the man's charm, looks and eye contact have more to do with the success of the line than the words themselves.

But there's always one good way to approach a woman in a bar, Christy says.

"If they give you a drink, it doesn't matter what they say," Christy laughs. "You don't have to say anything with a free drink."